I was shocked to read the news about a Telugu girl who committed suicide after being denied a USA visa. It is truly heartbreaking. Is a US visa worth such emotional weight?
I moved to the USA 30 years ago, and today I often feel that I did not enjoy life here as much as I imagined. I miss India deeply. Some may say I am speaking this way only after spending three decades here, but life in the USA is not as dreamy as many in India believe. It is busy and mechanical when you are young and becomes emotionally heavy as you grow older.
Many of my friends above the age of 55 struggle with loneliness and mild depression. Children in India may respond with more emotional warmth, but here we cannot expect that.
One of my Telugu friend’s sons in Wisconsin married a Korean girl, and the parents learned about it only a week later. It was not an act of disrespect from the boy, who grew up in America, but it was emotionally painful for his first-generation Indian parents and took them weeks to process.
A similar situation happened with one of my relatives whose daughter married an African American man after living with an Irish partner for four years. Even this happened without informing the parents. Indian parents, the 1st generation immigrants, are finding it hard to digest due to their background.
These incidents opened my eyes to how different life becomes for us first-generation immigrants once our children grow up. When we were young we were busy building careers paying bills and settling into a new country. We hardly noticed how small our social circles were becoming. But once the children become adults and start making their own choices we realize how emotionally unprepared we are for this phase. We come from a culture where marriage is a family affair but here it becomes an individual decision and as parents we often remain the last to know.
As we cross fifty five the reality hits even harder. Many of my friends admit they feel lonely even though they have lived in the USA for decades. Most of us miss the warmth of Indian society the casual visits from relatives and the comfort of being surrounded by people who understand our language and emotions. Festivals feel empty and weekends feel long because our children are busy with their own lives. We do not blame them because they grew up here but the silence in the house becomes louder as the years pass.
I often think about returning to India especially when I see how isolated we become here. Some of my friends already moved back bought good apartments and started reconnecting with old classmates and relatives. They say that even though starting over at this age is not easy the emotional comfort they feel in India is worth everything. I feel the same pull at times and wonder whether settling back there in my later years might give me the peace I miss so badly.
Life in the USA has given us stability and opportunities but it also takes away something slowly that we only recognize much later. That is why I say young people should think carefully before dreaming of America. It is not just a career decision it becomes an emotional journey that changes your entire life.
Mohan Chandra Inaganti
