Marriage..what a beautiful event to start a fascinating journey all through rest of our lives. So many expectations of abundant joy, caring and eternal LOVE. Good so far right? What is going wrong with marriages these days? Every other couple I meet is either getting divorced or already divorced. This phenomenon is growing like a menace in our society…
Marriage and Expectations: We, human beings are bound to be optimistic. We expect so much positiveness in our lives with the event of marriage. The reality is living with a person under one roof is completely different from "expecting" to live with a person under one roof. So many day today issues to handle…our moods, expectations, feelings, sensitivities, priorities, family, finances, in-laws….list goes on and on.
What is going wrong? The initial 2-3 years of a relationship are tough and volatile. There is good psychological aspect why women tend to file for divorce first. It’s called “walk away wife syndrome”. An interesting concept which explains that women tend to divert maximum energy towards relationship in the initial years of marriage and depending on the treatment by her partner, relationship either matures to be long lasting or end up in divorce court.
When it comes to relationship men and women perceive it from quite a different angle. A lot of it comes from upbringing, childhood events, friends and family. While women tend to "change" men or need a "changed man", men tend to be adamant on "changing" because they do not really get the point of "changing". It’s just basic psychology. Added to this, the pressure from both side in-laws will only complicate the relationship rather resolve any issues (most of the times). Just sit back and think for a moment what is important in life, staying together by putting effort or complicating each day with matters that are useless and trivial in the long run. We humans have the tendency to reciprocate the things done to us. Listening to what your partner is saying might as well create a platform for him/her to listen to you rather than arguments.
Everything needs patience, and “patience only” for a relationship to sustain in long run. The efforts both the partners put in the initial years to “understand and respect” each other will definitely have long lasting fruits in the years to come. But it is very important to have patience in the initial years. Not to mention it is not at all worth to crib about mainly in-laws and the "I" factor of "I am like this", "I can only do this", "I cannot bow down to you" etc., which are merely useless in the long run. It’s always important to listen and explain other person your feelings and priorities and come to a mutual agreement. Accepting a person what they are and making them realize what you are should be the foundation.
Divorce: Divorce is very difficult than we think or presume. It is tough on parents, siblings and you yourself. It changes your perspective of whatever you thought was good in your life. It is always better to involve a family counselor or mediator who can advise both partners to lessen the friction developed. Every couple has arguments and disagreements. Instead of making situation complex it is always wise to simplify things by mediation or mutual agreements. I sincerely request everyone in relationship to think twice before you take the D decision. Every person is good by nature and virtue. All it takes is time to understand each other and nourish the real essence of being in marriage. Please think.....
(P.S: Please don’t bombard me with emails of asking whether to be in a troubled relationship and how my advice will help you. I sincerely apologize if the article offended anyone. My intention is to tell that everything needs time and patience...)
It takes two to love each other…
It takes two to disagree with each other…
It takes a lifetime to understand each other…..
SM
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